It's been a year...

I'd forgotten about my blog.. It's been a year since my last post, and I was complaining about moving for the 3rd time  in 4 months. Well, I did move again. And a month after that I was in a fairly major car accident. I had whiplash, a shoulder injury, and a minor head injury. I didn't work for 4 months. In January, my 97 year old grandmother passed on. And in May, I moved again. Life really is a series of movements, of changes, and this year was intense for me. The thing I learned out of all this is to just surrender. I don't have to be smart, or wise, or get it right. I don't have to be deserving, and things don't really mean what I think they mean. Life is always happening at every level, everywhere, all the time. It's really not personal. It happens and I have my experience. Somewhere in there, my heart opened. It opened wide. I stopped grasping and started being grateful. I lost everything and I had everything I needed. As one of my friends said- "this is what you not slipping through the cracks looks like." I learned to both give and receive freely. I learned that god-in-action is community and friends- not some ethereal something out there I hope to be worthy of, and maybe he'll answer my prayer. It is the life force that flows through every one of us and touches those we love, those we pass. This idea of god lives though us, through our expression in the world. I stopped asking "what's in it for me?" and started asking "what gift do I bring?" I started saying yes. Yes to all of it. Joseph Campbell said "We're in a free fall into future. We don't know where we're going. Things are changing so fast. And always when you’re going through a long tunnel, anxiety comes along. But all you have to do to transform your hell into a paradise is to turn your fall into a voluntary act. It’s a very interesting shift of perspective . . . Joyfully participate in the sorrows of the world and everything changes." By simply saying yes to life, all of it as it came, and letting go of resisting it- I experienced a deep release. I was free to love, give and receive with out worry over cost, reciprocity, or being enough. There is enough grace in this world, we never have to be enough. All we need do is show up and be our fullest expression. And say yes, even when  we don't understand. I don't have it all figured out- it's a constant moment to moment choice. But I do find myself enjoying life a lot more these days.